Now I know what to get her for Mother's Day! My mom is making quite a collection of movies based on Jane Austen books. She already has a version of "Sense & Sensibility" and "Persuasion" as well as two versions of "Emma" and three versions of "Pride and Prejudice." Because of my mom and my sister, I am as well versed in Jane Austen as I am. But those new versions of S&S and P, and thinking about those three versions of P&P, got me wondering how many versions of P&P are there anyway? As it turns out there are nine versions (according to the internet movie database) and I contemplated about them. Is there a version with Laurence Olivier as Mr. Darcy, since the man has played every other literary icon during his career? As it turns out there is. But are there other versions that we just don't know about? Who would have been in it?
I gave this more thought over the course of a couple of hours than I should have, and came up with my very own dream cast for an unknown version of "Pride and Prejudice" that would have been made around 1940. Here it is:
Katharine Hepburn as Elizabeth Bennet
John Wayne as Mr. Darcy−
"Wait, wait, wait a second, Evan!" I can hear my readers saying. "I can sort of see why you would think of Katharine Hepburn as Elizabeth (although she wouldn't have been my choice) but seriously, Evan, John Wayne as Mr Darcy?!" Hold on, let me finish.
Orson Welles as Mr. Bennet
Cary Grant as Mr. Bingley
Jimmy Stewart as Mr Wickham
Ingrid Bergman, Rita Hayworth or Ava Gardner as Jane Bennet, take your pick and
Peter Lorre as Mr. Collins
Ok, now I bet most of you still have trouble seeing John Wayne as Mr. Darcy playing opposite Katharine Hepburn as Elizabeth. So to help you visualize such a pairing better, I drew a picture:
Can't you see? It's perfect. John Wayne has played the Mr. Darcy archetype at least a dozed times. Of course he was usually shooting guns while in the role, but he wouldn't have to in this movie. In the opening scene at the ball, John Wayne would be throwing up his tough guy persona. We'd get an exchange between Cary Grant (always the charmer) as Bingley and Wayne/Darcy that would go something like this, I can hear their voices:
Grant/Bingley: Look at them, they're all beautiful girls, Darcy. Look at Elizabeth.
Wayne/Darcy: Awww, they're not all that pretty, especially that Elizabeth.
Grant/Bingley: Now see here, Darcy, we should dance with these girls.
Wayne/Darcy: Naw, dancing is all silly.
Of course Katharine/Elizabeth would hear this and think that that Darcy's a turd (but she wouldn't use the word turd because she'd be played by Katharine Hepburn). But he really does like her despite his tough guy facade. Then Elizabeth would get creeped out by Mr. Collins, played by Peter Lorre. Who doesn't get creeped out by Peter Lorre? Then she'd fall for Mr. Wickham. Jimmy Stewart would have made a great Mr. Wickham. He sounds so sincere whenever he says anything, but in an ironic twist it turns out that Mr. Wickham is really the low life who runs off and marries Elizabeth's sister Lydia (who could play Lydia? Lina Lamont from "Singin' in the Rain" will do). Who could have guessed it? Throughout all this Wayne/Darcy tries to get over his tough guy oafishness and express his feelings for Katharine/Elizabeth, meanwhile Katharine/Elizabeth finds out Wayne/Darcy is actually an ok guy who's tough, yet selfless, loyal and takes care of the little lady. They make some banter, Wayne/Darcy won't keep up at all with Katherine/Elizabeth's sharp wit, but he tries, and then they get married. All the while Orson Welles observes Katharine/Elizabeth's romantic misadventures from his view as monarch of the Bennet family. He would make millions off the marriage of Katharine/Elizabeth to Wayne/Darcy and retire to a reclusive mansion known as Xanadu. It would be perfect.
*Before I take off, apologies to all my friends and relatives who may never forgive me for having some fun with their favorite book.
6 comments:
Jimmy Stewart would never do as Mr. Wickam. Has he ever played a "bad guy"???
That's the whole point! He's never played the bad guy so you wouldn't expect him to be. You'd fall for him just like Elizabeth.
I can just picture Lorre/Collins snivelling and drivelling with professions of love to Katherine/Elizabeth. "I'll love you FOREVER master"
There is a serious problem with John Wayne as Darcy. Serious. He's not mysterious. Darcy is elite--he can only be adequately played by someone with a refined voice and skeletal structure. Someone a la Ralph Fiennes. But I like your other choices . . . I'm looking forward to this version, possibly animated, by you. Let's see some more illustrations, please.
Inkling, I see your point, but I respectfully disagree. John Wayne can be plenty mysterious. If you don't believe me I recommend watching "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance." I will defend my view of John Wayne as Mr Darcy to the end! Also the precedent for P&P movies suggest that physical appearance based on Jane Austen's descriptions are not always followed. Mr Collins is described in the book as tall, but in all the movies I've seen they casted an actor who is short, including my choice of Peter Lorre. But I do like your idea of making an animated version! Hmmmm . . .
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